So last night I got online and I typed up a truly noteworthy blog entry. I puit so much of myself into it, it just felt so amazing . . . and then my computer froze before I could enter it. So I shall try to recreate my entry, but chances are it won't go very well. It's not really something you can do twice, you know? Sigh.

Morp rocked my fucking socks. It was so nice to have a dance to go to where I didn't have to worry about looking beautiful, or dancing well. I could just do whatever I fucking wanted, and it ws so great. It was the creme de la creme of dances in my book. Ha. It was just full of good music, and good outfits, and boy. Fun times indeed.

Whoah, this blog is like a day or two old and I can't remember the rest of what I had written . . but I assure you it was full of laurenicious insight.

Hey, nobody leaves any shout outs at my blog anymore! That's SO sad. LEAVE ONE! I'll love you forever!

At school, listening to the amazing sounds of Ozma. I'm in a pretty good mood for being at school, mainly because . . . you know, I don't really know. Ha. This cd just lifts me up, perhaps that is it? Well, it has good reason--it's self-titled "songs that make me smile". I really do love memorial. If I go to interlochen next year, I shall msis it dearly. Amazing people here. Speaking of amazing people, i hope one of them comes to morp. That is, assuming I go. Hmmm, I am eating chips in the library and nobody is saying a thing. Am I cheating the system here? Or beating it? Or maybe just being smug about eating chips? Hmmmmm . . .

I will never skip a rock again **derrrrr**.

I'm excited for this weekend! It should be a good one. Morp, sleepovers, biking around town, ddr, intoxication . . . yummmmm! What's left? Ah, yes. Boy. Let's hope my weekend is full of boy too.

You walk up to her
Ask her to dance
She says "hey baby, i just might take the chance"

only in dreams
you see what it means
reach out a hand
hold onto hers
but when we wake
it's all memories
and so it seems
only in dreams

Mmmmmm, amazing song. Now it reminds me of Sarah Chemielewski singing it on the bus home from state. She is such an amazing person, she just blows me away! Seriously, she has so much to say about life, and about everything. We talked on the bus last friday for almost three hours, and it's entrancing how she knows so much about everything. She has so much to say, and so many dreams, and so many amazing ideas . . . that's a girl that really knows what's going on.

My fingernails are all sticky, and I'd really appreciate it if somebody told me why.

I am decidedly in love with the song "falling" by Ben Kweller. I could listen to it over and over again . . . mmmmmm.

You know what I want to happen so badly? I want to have a kiss--an emotional one, not just a hormonal one--to the song "kiss me" by six pence none the richer. I'm convinced it would be the coolest thing ever. Either that or one of those kisses when you're having an argument and all the sudden it's like *bam*!

Another song I am in love with is "in the lost and found" by Elliot Smith (from the cd figure eight). It is such an *amazing* song, it totally rocks my socks. Thank god for good music! Seriously, good music can bring me up from almost anything! It can completely reign over my emotions, and mold me into anything. A good song can completely change my outlook on life, or inspire me, or bring me out of a depression. Oh sigh.

Bell rings.

So I just realized I just need a brief blog summarizing how I've been. Here it is.

Life is so amazing! Opportunity stares me in the face from all angles. Protests, activism, school, interlochen, boys, friends, glass . . . everything is promising and bright! With the springtime I am invigorated, inspired by the sprouting greenery and my blossoming musical collection. My feet are breathing in sandals, and my big coat stays safely nestled on a hook in my hallway. Protest signs are popping up wherever I look, and my hand has held a couple as well. People care about the world, and it's inspiring to see that. Even in the face of war, people can stand up against a nation--or rather for a nation--and say "this i know is wrong," and that is more powerful than i can say. I feel like I can actually make a difference, like life now has a purpose instead of a blind walk on unstable ground. It's given me confidence in all areas of life--who knows what will happen next? Life holds such beautiful possibilities. Muah.

I'm brimming with anticipation, awaiting every next moment as my first and my last. I love spring.

Punk lured you in quickly with it's sense of political outrage. You're very involved in politics and most definitely have a Che poster on your wall. Although some people would call you a radical, others admire your determination, intelligence, and social awareness. Whats Yer Punk?

I am totally proud to get this one! Score for me! Yay! Hmmm, shall I take another test? I think I shall!

Parents like me to not be online. What's with that?

Harry/Draco


What HP Shipper Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla

Who are you?

war

holy shit

so this morning jenny tells me glen might be going off in the army, and i start freaking out and crying, and i had to go out and look like a happy dance team girl with tears running down my face. it was weird. luckily it's been confirmed now that he's staying in eau claire. thank god.

so dory thompson's big sister can SO kick her ass! who'd have known someone so superficial could have a sister that is so awesome? i really wish i was here for the next couple days to participate in all of this stuff. no, i have to go on the dumb ass state basketball trip, and miss all of these anti-war things that mean so much to me. i'm this close to quitting dance team and staying back here in this time of war. this isn't a time to pay all of our attention to a stupid sport--this is a time of WAR. a time that makes me ashamed to live in america, ashamed to be under the rule of that idiot george bush. it's time to speak out, time to protest, time for civil disobedience. let's listen to ghandi, not bush! peace, not war. stand up for what you believe in.

let's hope this war will be over soon and we can welcome peace once more.

dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass, dominate, kick ass . . .

hell yes.

we will someday just majorly ROCK. you girls know what i mean. We need a name, damn it! It's cold. Wow.

I got another dire chicken letter! Crazy stuff. This one was pretty simple--no collages or anything, just wishing me a happy garlic day or whatever . . . hmmm, dunno. Left it on the kitchen table or somewhere. Weird, but not as weird as it's been. Back of my envelope said something else pretty . . . um . . . interesting too. Can't remember that either. Haha. I suck. Anyway, I wonder when the identity will be revealed . . . if ever? But would they really just do all this and never say anything? Hmmm, maybe. I'm excited to find out who it is though--they have some SERIOUS explaining to do, 'cause i have had hell confused outta me. Hmmm.

Well I'm cold and tired, and I need to wake up early tomorrow and protest, so . . . g'night, my someone, good night my love . . . . :D

maybe i have closure

maye i still just have a broken heart.

whatever it is, i hate it . . . dreaming is better than a bitter reality.

things i have learned:

always always always take action when you still can

never let anybody perfect come within ten feet of you

always get even

sometimes forgive

pleading is neccessary sometimes

when paradise is shattered, find where the people in paradise go for vacation 'cause it'll kick its ass

tears are not for the weak, or the strong. they're for the emotionally unstable.

nobody is worth crying over, but apparently they're worth losing everything for.

take action. ha.

**list finish**

I am about to partake in the best thing ever. It will completely do justice for girls everywhere, and it has gone too long undone. We will unite, we will not give up. We will outsmart and destroy. Watch us kick ass.

i've lost my last chance

So I was really upset, I'd just had a fight with one of my best friends, and I'm feeling pretty much like my life is completely in pieces. I decide to walk to Kerms and buy some comfort food (peach o's, pie, potato chips and cream soda). It is so amazingly beautiful outside. The sun has decided to stretch it's limbs after a season of laying fallow, and the world looks like it is in love. I am in love. My hair blows in the breeze and my corduroy jacket glows warmly in the sunlight. I squint slightly from the sun and walk slowly, letting the newly born spring soak into my skin. The ground beneath my feet is wet and fertile, I can feel the air fresh and warm on my neck. It is one of those moments that you look back on and think, life is beautiful. I feel the beauty from the sun and the whole outside, and when I'm under the sun I am beautiful too. I walk with confidence. For once. My problems don't bother me quite as much. I am fully aware of the beacon of hurt that I see in the sky, but the warm spring air has muted my sorrows, and my wounds don't hurt.

With the weather I change. It is spring--I am free, confidence returns and love grows more plentiful and harmless. Winter's emotional shell is shedding itself, I feel like I'm just emerging into something new. The world is green, and inside I'm a sort of shade of green too. I'm growing, learning, figuring things out. Discovery. Good stuff, you know?

Well, Jenny's here, we're off . . .

Friends listen to each other. Friends do favors for each other, and care about each other. Friends do not intentionally hurt each other.

Except for my friends.

Last night was awesome, though. The Pope's house was rockin' and then I smoked up and went to Chicago with the girls. We smoked 8 bowls . . . wow. We rock. We slept over here at my house with no parents around or anything--we just sat in my living room by the fire and sipped alcohol and smoked up, it was SWEET. No trouble, no hassle, just flyin freeee . . . . I love being home alone. Wow. This weekend kicks ass.

and tonight is the murder mystery party thing! Rock on! I am WAY excited, especially because I haven't seen these people in fifteen billion years. I can't wait to see Joel again, I seriously love that boy.

No, I seriously love another boy. Who seriously probably likes one of my best friends (who totally disregards my feelings entirely, "thanks").

But never mind that! I'm having too much fun to bitch. Hehe, helll yeah.

I think I'm gonna head out, take a bath, bike to Kerms and get some gummies, hehehe. Later my adoring friends. And I love you all! At least all of you that can keep a promise and care about my feelings. Muah.

list of things i love:

cartons of raspberries
ink-stained hands
hugging somebody you haven't hugged in ages
finishing a book with a good ending
the way clean teeth feel on my tongue
closing my eyes when i ski
songs that remind me of summer
black and white pictures
scarves
the smell of vanilla and cloves
running around outside barefoot
my backback before the first day of school
the smell of leaves
my hair underwater
long relaxing baths
corduroy
that familiar smell when i come back from being away
s'mores that stick all over my hands
days when i'm confident
paris
making exciting plans
opportunity
the sunrise on the summer solstice
crazy dancing alone in my room
brand new notebooks
raids at savers
narrow escapes
cavorting about at night
shedding my winter jackets
fred astaire and ginger rogers movies
finding something i've forgotten about
smiling in the face of opposition
learning to be strong
punk music they don't play on mtv
connecting with somebody
singing as loud as i can
feeling desirable
thinking of the perfect way to spend a 20
defying logic
stepping out of line
old ladies
ian pope
snow angels
home

fickle, fickle, fickle . . .

i amaze myself sometimes, in the strangest ways.

I think I have a bruise on my lower right eyelid. Weird.

Improv show was funny, saw many people that I truly adore, one that I *truly* adore, and one more that brushes me over every time he scans the room (minus the word "more").

Why do things have to change from opportunities to pain?

Why do people have to change their minds?

Why can't people understand others' viewpoints?

And why the hell is there a bruise on my eyelid?!?!?

Just watched that 70's show. It was an old episode, but Eric told Donna he liked her and he kissed her . . . it's SO FUCKING CUTE.

After seeing that, I have decided that I downright need a boyfriend. I want a cute one, one like Eric . . . no fair that he's not real. Sniff.

There was somethign in the air that night
The stars were bright
Fernando

Haha . . . cute . . . I need a boyfriend.

The recent death of Sarah Nelson really scared me . . . initially, my reaction was, "oh good, I do'nt know her," but when somebody dies there IS no "oh, good". It could have been one of my own friends, and that scares the crap out of me. I mean, people aren't supposed to die this young! I could die just as easily . . . wow. Carpe diem.

I've always been tempted to commit suicide just to teach a lesson to someone who has hurt me. Leave a note or something saying how much they hurt me and then just kill myself, and watch guilt consume them. Sort of a morbid thought, but the ultimate revenge nonetheless, no? I mean, what if, say, somebody asked you out, you said no, and later they killed themself saying in their suicide note that it ws you who caused it. Wouldn't you hate yourself for saying no? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Hmmmm . . . last night was really awesome. Yeah. Kaia and I had so much fucking fun I thought I was going to wet myself. Seriously, Abraham lincoln sold us these chips and we ate a cake and talked about a sofa and soha and a pig in a wig named ig. . . . okay it doesn't sound funny now, but BELIEVE me, it was hilarious then. Whoo.

Hey, guess what? MY LEG IS ASLEEP. Again.

So it's really cool when you sorta knew somebody ages ago, and then all the sudden you notice them again, and you're like, "Whoah! they're cool! When did this happen?" It's really cool! Then you just want to be like "hey, remember me? Yeah, well, you're cool now! Hey! How about it?" It's sort of silly.

So I went to a concert tonight, but then I left because my cold was running so rampant that I was constantly sniveling into tissues and I felt pretty much like shit. I walked all the way home from schofield hall with no gloves or a hat, and it was COLD. Brrrrr.

JENNY AND GLEN ARE ONCE AGAIN GLENNY! My day is made.

What's with guys always being like, "hey! take off your clothes!"???? All the time! Seriously, I know teenagers have sex drives, but don't they have brains? Speaking of which, I thought it was funny how today I mentioned something to my sister about roots of words in latin and stuff like that, and she's all like, "wow, you're the weirdest person ever! nobody else ever says stuff like that to me!" and it made me think about how un-intellectual people are these days. If mentioning latin roots in the English language is so weird, what DO her friends talk about? Is it all just boys this, and plans that, and partying? I happen to LIKE latin roots, thank you very much! I find them fascinating. Hmmph.

Oh, a little clarification--a couple of you thought I meant "why aren't I amazing" in a general sense--I meant in an emotional sense, as in, "why aren't i happy?" Get it? Woohoo.

You know what song is the best? ever?

on my own, from les miserables

I remember in 8th grade when nobody else listened to les mis, and that was MY song--but then we sang it twice in choir, and everybody knows it. it really upsets me, cause now everybody else knows it, and if i mention it, many preppy not-cool girls can sing along, and that pisses me off. but despite this, I am still in love with it.

i love him, but everyday i'm learning
all my life i've only been pretending
without me, his world will go on turning
his world is full of happiness
that i have never known

i love him
but only on my own

mmmmmm . . . teenage angst . . . i am very familiar with this. I'm seriously one of the most angsty people ever. I even make little things angstier than any should think of them. It's sad. But hey, it's part of what makes me me! Thank god for that. I love myself. Not an act of narcissism, but an act of self respect and acceptance of fate. I'm me, I can't change that, so the best thing I can do is love myself. Mmmmmmmm.

Mmmmmmmmmme.

is that gramatically correct? why aren't i ____? Hmmmmmm . . .

Wow, I can feel myself slipping down, I'm heading in to a depression. I can feel the clouds hovering above me and waiting to break and I just want to curl up into a ball and not come out for a long long time, not until everything and everyone is gone and I can coexist peacefully with myself.

I always fuck things up with the people I care most about for no apparent reason.

I'm a strange, strange, girl . . .
but I'm getting things worked out. Go me.

The protest was AMAZING.
Rent was AMAZING.

Why aren't I amazing?

Gonna blog, but gotta go . . . hramph. Haha later.