Oooooh, finally a new post! Another school-written notebook post:


Hello Blog . . . just finished up a test in APBio about protists, pretty sure I bluffed the whole thing. Ha. I rock. No, not really.

So I think I've decided on the two most attractive parts of the body (neglecting the face, of course). The back and the calves. Backs are so pretty! Especially when the shoulders are broad and the waist is tiny . . . although just slightly. Must be a trim figure, no HUGE muscles. That's just gross. Shoulder blades, slight muscles . . . backs have it all. Mmmmmm. And calves are so smooth and pretty, but can be again slightly muscular which gives them a yummy tone . . . I like that. Some more body parts to be noted: hipbones, for one. I love hipbones, especially when you're lying down and your stomach sinks down in between them. Also, the dimples (if you have any) (I do) above your butt, on your lower back. Ooooh, and belly buttons! Those are fun too. Oh hell, let's just admit it--bodies are beautiful. Those greek sculptors were onto something, I have to say they were pretty wise in recognizing the beauty of human form. Hey, I fly to Florida tomorrow! Hell yeah! **grins** But in the meantime, I must sharpen my pencil.

So I finally got these pants mended, and I feel so much more like myself with them on. I need a photo shoot or something in these pants, 'cause they're so characteristically me. Yay. So I finally head one of Gackt's songs! It was really cool, and very much like what I thought it would be. I want to go get one of his CD's, but I don't know if they sell them in the US. What the hell is Marcus doing on the board? Ooops, bell . . .

German class . . . is sooooo boring. I could be spending my time on something WAY better. But then again, it is one of the more interesting classes of the day, so I shouldn't be complaining. I'm so excited to do the can can in tap! All my costumes this year seriously rock. I'm way hyped.

Back to the present time . . .

Hey, in about 12 hours, I'll be experiencing temperatures in the mid to high seventies and looking at palm trees . . . thank god for florida.

I'm kind of upset about missing winterfest and winter carnival, but I think I'll live. I just don't want my show choir to look bad, and I think we need a lot more practice time for our dance. Yuck.

Ya know who's a major doll? Anna Godlewski. She's just the nicest girl once you get to talking to her, I'm way hyped up to be doin' more stuff with her. Well I have to go pack . . . biya!

I need to hear some of Gackt's music, NOW. I am like in love with this awesome singer, and I've never even heard him! But he seems like such a cool guy. I really want to meet some completely eccentric boy who's daring enough to make his image like Gackt's, but I know that there aren't any of those in Eau Claire, so right now I'll stick with the boy scene that's around--which, by the by, is quite acceptable, in my point of view. **grins**

Alright, this link is not so much for you but more for me, 'cause I'm at school and I want to remember this site:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Field/4849/menu.html

Yay. Go Gackt! Yay for Malice Mizer!

Well I don't really have much else to say . . . I've been having a *great* day, thanks to some awesome people and pictures of non-japanese-looking japanese boys. Ya know what I realized? I really like touching my stomach. I'll find myself in school unconsciously rubbingmy stomach--it's sort of calming and . . . . nice. I like the way my stomach feels, anyway. All soft and stomachy. Hehe. So I think I have like a belly-button fetish or something. Aren't they great? I like belly buttons. Ha. I'm speaking extremely eloquently here **coughcough**.

Well, 6th hour's almost over . . . off to world studies.

i cannot express how wonderful i am feeling in camparison to this weekend.

I cannot express, also, how much I am regretting not capitalizing the I's in that first line, because it misrepresents my grammar.

I'm a loser.

But I'm a happy loser! Teehee. Were it not so chilly, I would be utterly content at the moment. And were there not vector worksheets to do. I dislike precalculus. But I like life! Oh lord . . . . not that song again.

**misses scrooge**

I think I'm really bad at facials when I do funk. I look retarded when I try to act like i'm all ghetto, hahaha.

I guess today is a day for short paragraphs.

I haven't been writing much in here, or much that most people can understand, 'cause lately most of my stuff goin on has been all that personal stuff, so I've been putting it in a private blog that i share with 3 other girls. That's the only place I can write uncensored. So if you're kinda confused towards anything, that's probably why. Well.

Time to finish up that math homework and get to bed . . . **gasp** on time?

Whoah, I just realized I've bathed twice today, yet my hair is still disgusting 'cause of putting it up for dance team with all the crap in it. Yuck.

Well, time to whirl off to my bed, grinning like a fool for no apparent reason. **grins**

So today this is the approach I am taking towards all the shit that life is throwing my way:

I'm an amazing person. And nobody, not even a boy, can get in my way of thinking so. I am talented, and beautiful, and funny, and I deserve the best in life. So if something is not mine, it is therefore not the best, so I shouldn't have had it in the first place. I'm not going to let this get to me, because I know that soon somebody will come along and just entrance me, and then I'll know I'll have the best.

The best wouldn't make you cry.

I find it fascinating how one can have a day that's amazing, a day where they accomplish so much, just to end it with a moment that hurts so much you want to slit your wrists, and the only thing that's in your mind is, "well there goes a perfectly good day".

It seems ironic when our good qualities are the ones that torture us the most. If there ever was a God, he'd be a damn fool for damning the best of us. Or the msot deperate. There really is no line anymore.

There don't seem to be lines to anything anymore.

I want to escape in my music, but I think I carry to much weight for it to support me. All I'm left doing is crashing towards the ground in a teenage cliche of angsty bitches, yes the angsty bitched everywhere that we all not-so-secretly despise, my body is just warping itself into one of those, into someone else, and all I can do is sit here and whine.

Sometimes . . . sometimes I just don't know. And I just want to let go and have someone there to catch me, but no one ever does, and I'm just left falling. Sometimes I feel so much unresolved hatred towards the people I hate the least, and sometimes I just need to let get things get in my way.

My self-esteem has been brought to a major blow lately--what with dance team and boys and all that. Dance team . . . **sigh** well, let me tell you about that . . .

I swear to god I don't feel like half of the girls on the squad respect me at all. I mean, a lot of them seem to always act like they're better than me. And today, at the competition, I was wearing my really old cool chucks that i lurve. So I sit down next to this one girl on the team, and she says in this little snotty sarcastic voice, "nice shoes". Being completely serious. Whoah. So I'm sitting here thinking, YEAH THEY ARE, but I refrained myself, and said, "yeah, well, i really like them." and she kind of raises her eyebrows and looks smug and says, "yeah you would" all snottily, and i was thinking, FUCK YOU, thank god I'M not preppy! at least i don't spend fifty dollars on a white tanktop. Seriously. I mean, she has every right to think that, but saying it just steps over the line. She crossed right there in my mind from being labeled (so to speak) "unpleasant" to being "bitchy". I just can't imagine saying that to someone.

Well, I'm off to drown my sorrows in a cream soda.

Oh . . . happy fourteenth birthday, lauren **waves a flag**

Some happy day that was.

This day has wavered back and forth about as far as one can go. Right now I'm playing music as loudly as I can to drown out the sound of my sister and my mom fighting with each other. Wanna know how it started? Mom said she didn't like our dance team costumes. Yup. If that's not screwed up . . . oy. I hate the sound of arguing more than anything else. Just sitting there and listening to people yelling at each other is like torture.

I'm listening to Come What May. Music is such a wonderful away to escape from things . . .

HAIL the evil maharaja, you will not excape!

Oh Harold, nobody could play him like you do!

No one's going to.

I did something today I thought I'd never EVER do . . . I surprised even myself. But I can't tell what's goin' down till later on, but seriously--I'm handing myself major kudos for overcoming (kinda, hehe) one of my biggest fears EVER. All I've been able to do all day is sit there and think about things--what i could have done better, should I have done it at all--but what's done is done, and, well, I'm down with whatever's gonna happen. And now I'm beginning (beginning?!?!?!!?) to not make sense, so I might as well shut up . . .

I can't tell if I'm shaking because of the cold or because of my nervousness.

I have to go to bed and get rested up for regionals. How am I going to sleep? There's so much on my mind . . . SO much . . . oh god. Trying to run over our funk routine and think of *things* doesn't work very well all at once.

Wish me luck . . . I'll need it. **crosses fingers**

i'm such a girl.

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Muah. Enough said, 'tis me. **sly grin**

WHOAH! Idea . . . **grins**

Trying to make an amazingly important decision.

Well, I do want to do this

But there are DEFINITE risks

And I don't know if I'm ready, emotionally, to take them.

I mean, if this doesn't work out

I'm going to spend endless hours telling myself i shouldn't have

But if it does

I'm going to spend forever thanking myself.

If it enough to risk a long time of regret and sorrow for a longer time of happiness?

I just don't know. I don't know if I am in the mood to cry.

Hmm.

So last night I wrote this beautiful post. It had miles of glorious things about life and dance and who I am, and how they intertwine and connect each other, and my feelings about everything--things i can't even remember--and I hit post and this funny mesage comes up instead and it all dissapears. Rar. Pissed me off.

Anyway, fairly decent day today. Wore my sister's hat, it's cute, that was fun. Took an APBio test that i COMPLETELY bombed, should be "interesting" to see the results.

Well, I'm off--don't really feel like writing right now.

I was almost going to be done with posting my quiz results, but then I got this and I just couldn't resist:


What annoying Celebrity would you most likely wanna kill?
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HA! Quizilla speaks the truth!

Which Harry Potter Guy are you Most Compatible with?
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So I guess if I can't be Draco Malfoy, I'll like him. Gotta say, he's the most eligible boy in the HP world. Whoever said evil is sexy deserves a medal.

Who are you in the Harry Potter or Hogwarts Universe?
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NOW we're talking. Ha. **grins**

i like this one, cause Aladdin WAS always my favorite disney guy. Ha.


Who's Your Ideal Disney Guy?
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What Eyes Do You Have?
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Wow, is it just me or am I all sophisticated and seduction tonight? Haha, wish it was that was that way more of the time.

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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Just snuggling at home before a good night of sleep, which means i should go to bed NOW. Have a dance team competition tomorrow, how exciting! Have to be at school on a bus though at 6:15. Yuck. I think we're going to do really well! We've got a really good team this year, and our dances (especially jazz) are awesome.

My lips are very dry, I am in need of chapstick.

At home right now under dance team enforced curfew, thinking of what I could be doing. Thinking about boys I'd rather snuggle with than snuggle up to my coat alone on the computer. Just took some quizilla stuff, got classified as pretty much exactly who I am except for one--said i was "gansta". Whoah. Seriously, I don't think there's ANY way I could be mistakedn for anythin near that. Apparently sombody disagrees though . . . i think I'll wear my regular blue eyes tomorrow to go with my dance team costumes, hehe. Got a hot pink and black dress, and a purple and white poly. Don't think green would fit in there very well. Haven't worn my normal eyes in a while! It'll be fun, hehe.

So boys have ceased to be ENTIRE dickheads this week! I think they're slowly coming around to the fact that they're not SUPPOSED to suck, they just do. And they shouldn't. Argh. Well, I'm going to go to bed and ease my poor dry lips with some high quality chapstick, man! Check me out!

G'night, sweet dreams.

FUCKING AWESOME MOOD.

I love today

Had a good day today! I'm being more assertive, and frankly, funnier than I've been lately. Hmmmm . . .

Had a really good night tonight. We danced SO well, especially with our gloves, I was thrilled! Gah. I'm in a really go-get-em sort of mood, and i bet if *he* was online right now (oh what a hopeless computer freak i am--"i wish he was ONLINE" yarg i suck), I swear to suzy's rock i'd be all for asking him out. Speaking of going out, doesn't age suck? Yeah, thought so.

So I want this solo in Hayden's Mass in Time of War SOOOOOOO badly, but I don't think I'd be able to get it with ALL the competition in the junior and senior classes, no matter how hard I work. It's SO awesome, all high and opera-y. Mmmmmm, I wish it was just sophomores! Then I'd have a better chance. Hmmph.

Maybe I should finish my homework and SHAVE (need to do it sometime for swimming, dammit!). Yeah, sounds like a good battle plan.

**puts on fiercest face**
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

In world studies yet again, still reading up about inventions online. Have a bit of a headache--eek! Have had a rpetty good day. I forgot my swimsuit (and to shave) so i forged a note and sat out on gym, hahaha. It was either that or detention! Been getting work done, took a couple tests, it's all good . . . gonna go talk to some girls, check ya lata

It's kinda funny that today would be the day that Kaia and I speak of seduction, because I'm feeling awfully temptressish today . . . don't know why. Maybe I should go seduce some of the people on that list . . . I wish. ^_^

So Frank and Natalie are together, which is amazingly cute (and i'm the first to know! woohoo!) but i must admit I'm jealous of that too. I want a boyfriend, and I know that's all I ever say, but I do! So I'm just stating that one more time before I shut up and not mention it for a bit until something HAPPENS. There. And there was much rejoicing!

Well, off I go into the land of homework.

I'm at school . . . woohoo. World Studies. The day will be done in about 5 minutes or so.

Kaia and I are making a list of people to seduce. I have a fair amount of people I'd like to add on to that list, I must consult her . . .

I am INSANELY JEALOUS of Anna's hair! Seriously! I want dreads SO badly, I just wish my mummy would let me . . . I think if (that's an IF) I get accepted to Interlochen, I will convince my mum to let me get them. I mean, why would it bother her? I'd be gone all the time anyway. I've already convinced my dad.

About one minute left, gotta fly . . .

Hahahahaha, you can ignore those last two posts. I posted in the wrong screen (I had 2 blogs open). Ha.

You know what song has a really beautiful music video? That christina aguilera song called "beatufiul" or something (i don't really know the name, that was just a shot in the dark). Seriously, it was one of the best music videos I've ever seen, and i really dislike her music. It's just . . . a really wonderful concept--not, wonderful is not the right word. It's conveying a really good message, but not something dumb, and it shows people choosing alternative lifestyles and having problems with themselves, etc. Also some beautiful media--the movie "but i'm a cheerleader". Parts of it are really weird, parts are funny, but some scenes it that are just wonderful. At the end **tries not to give too much away** when Megan comes back and does that cheer (wow, does that sound cheesy or what? but it's not, somehow) it's the most wonderful thing ever. I just want to BE one of them, I want--oh lords. I'm not going to go off about wanting love again because i'm just a silly goose. But it's really a cute moment. And the scene on the bed when they're playing that song (which i NEED to download) is really . . . wow. The lighting and the music and the passion is just . . . . mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I had an awesome night last night! Snuck out, dyed Katelyn's hair, played truth or dare (we were feeling girly). LOTS of fun, and I'm REALLY starting to like hanging out with those three girls. They're fascinating and funnnnnnnnnn. They all have such wonderful viewpoints, and are so . . . cool? Haha, methinks so. I enjoyed introducing them to new things, and I'm hoping next time I'll have yet another new thing to introduce them to, just can't be all last-minutey again. Hmmmm.

Well, I need sleep, didn't get much last night. I'm in a good mood, but I feel like I need a hug. Anybody reading this should give me a hug next time they see me. I absolutely adore getting them and will love you forever. Yesssss, forever and ever.

WHY WON'T YOU WORK?????

what is this blog's url?!?!?!?

MMMMM, new years was great! We all streaked at midnight . . . very eventful, hehehe. But I'm not in the mood to tell about that right now, cause I'm just really happy!

So I couldn't remember what my new years resolution was, and I had to look back on my blog to see it (cause i knew it was in there). I think I've already started it though without even realizing it! Crazy stuff, no? One boy is actually talking to me in decent conversations now, and another says we should hang out next week (yeah so he's 18, i'll just try to make that forgotten, hehehe). It's all good! Progress baby, that's what it's about. Mm mmmmmmm! **grins**

I had a really good night last night--Monica slept over, we watched "but i'm a cheerleader", it's pretty good! Anthony snuck over and watched (most of) it with us.

OW I just knocked my knee on something, and it REALLY hurts. Yuck.

I have nothing else to say . . . for now. Will most likely be back later. Humph.